MEET JASON — THE FAKE BUSY WALKER

Jason has worked at the company for 4 years.
Nobody knows what he does.
Every morning at exactly 8:12am, Jason appears power-walking through the office carrying: 📄 random papers
💻 an unplugged laptop
☕ an empty coffee mug
😐 severe workplace stress
He moves with the urgency of a man:
saving the company
stopping a cyber attack
personally negotiating with Eskom
Meanwhile? He’s probably going to the bathroom.
Nobody has EVER seen Jason:
answer an email
attend a full meeting
complete a task
sit down for longer than 3 minutes
But somehow… he always says:
“Sure, I’ll squeeze it in.”
SQUEEZE WHAT IN, JASON??? WE DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR JOB TITLE 😭
At this point we’re convinced Jason survives entirely on:
fake urgency
speed walking
looking mildly frustrated
And honestly?
It’s working.