☕ Thursday. ⏰ 8:03 AM. The office coffee machine was already broken. Which, according to Trevor from IT, “set the tone for the entire week.” Trevor stood in the kitchen staring into the void while the coffee machine aggressively beeped at him like it wanted a fight. “I.T. DOESN’T FIX COFFEE MACHINES, GUYS!” 😭 He … Continue reading “Episode 1 – The Day the Office Nearly Collapsed”
Written by janeechommie
Dylan is responsible for approximately:87% of office suffering94% of unnecessary meetingsall emotional damage caused by Microsoft TeamsHis favourite sentence?“Hey 🙂 quick call?”There is NO SUCH THING as a quick call with Dylan.You join expecting: 2 minutes.Suddenly: 📊 presentation slides 📈 workflow discussions ☕ coffee break 😭 life coaching 🧍 existential crisisFORTY-SEVEN MINUTES LATER: you still … Continue reading “MEET DYLAN — THE “QUICK CALL?” VILLAIN”
Written by janeechommie
Michelle has one mission: destroy workplace peace.Every company email becomes: 📧 REPLY ALL 📧 REPLY ALL 📧 REPLY ALLSomeone sends:“Please see attached.”Michelle responds:“Thanks 😊”TO 483 EMPLOYEES.Entire office phones vibrating simultaneously like: 📳📳📳📳📳📳📳Trevor from IT nearly resigned after Michelle accidentally replied all:“Who stole my yogurt?”The CEO saw it. HR saw it. Finance saw it. Probably SARS … Continue reading “MEET MICHELLE — THE REPLY ALL TERRORIST”
Written by janeechommie
Every office has one villain.Ours microwaves fish.Greg enters the kitchen every lunch hour carrying: 🐟 tuna bake 🥚 boiled eggs 🥦 steamed broccoli 😐 absolutely no shameAt exactly 12:01pm: the smell arrives.Suddenly:windows openpeople evacuateCandice starts cryingTrevor checks the server room for electrical firesBianca once sprayed air freshener directly into the microwave.Greg remained calm.This man looked … Continue reading “MEET GREG — THE MICROWAVE CRIMINAL”
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Brenda from reception knows EVERYTHING.And we mean EVERYTHING.Before HR even knows… Brenda already knows:who resignedwho cried in the bathroomwho got written upwho’s secretly datingwho stole Bianca’s yogurt in 2022You can whisper ONE sentence… inside a locked car… during load shedding…And somehow Brenda walks past later like:“Shame hey 😔”HOW??? HOW DOES SHE KNOW???Brenda doesn’t work in … Continue reading “MEET BRENDA — THE OFFICE FBI GOSSIP AGENT”
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MEET SAMANTHA — THE LOUD TYPISTEvery office has one person who types like they’re:hacking into the Pentagonpreventing nuclear warexposing government corruptionOurs is Samantha.Every morning the office falls silent…Then suddenly: ⌨️ CLACK CLACK CLACK ⌨️ ENTER ⌨️ VIOLENCE ⌨️ MORE VIOLENCEThis woman attacks her keyboard with: ✨ pure aggression ✨Coworkers have reported:anxietyjump scarestemporary hearing lossemotional instabilityTrevor … Continue reading “MEET SAMANTHA — THE LOUD TYPIST”
Written by janeechommie
Jason has worked at the company for 4 years.Nobody knows what he does.Every morning at exactly 8:12am, Jason appears power-walking through the office carrying: 📄 random papers💻 an unplugged laptop☕ an empty coffee mug😐 severe workplace stressHe moves with the urgency of a man:saving the companystopping a cyber attackpersonally negotiating with EskomMeanwhile? He’s probably going … Continue reading “MEET JASON — THE FAKE BUSY WALKER”
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Every office has a Gavin.You know the type.Slightly too energetic. Obsessed with “company culture.” Uses words like:“synergy.”Unironically.Gavin is the boss.Or more specifically: the kind of boss who desperately wants employees to think:“He’s actually such a great guy.”Unfortunately…Gavin discovered LinkedIn motivation culture during lockdown.And never recovered.Now every meeting includes:life lessonsbusiness metaphorsand at least one sentence involving … Continue reading “Gavin Thinks He’s A Visionary Leader”
Written by janeechommie
Candice works in marketing.Which means she spends most of her day:resizing logosfixing other people’s bad ideasand pretending feedback emails don’t hurt personallyCandice survives entirely on:anxietyiced lattesand Canva PremiumNobody in the office understands what Candice actually does.They just know: if something looks pretty… Candice suffered for it.Every single day somebody says:“Can we make it pop more?”Candice … Continue reading “Candice From Marketing Is Fighting For Her Life”
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Kevin joined the company six months ago.Since then… peace has become impossible.Kevin is what happens when gym culture becomes a personality.Every sentence Kevin says sounds like:a podcast clipa motivational reelor a man trying to sell supplements from a car bootKevin begins every morning with:black coffeea protein shakeand unnecessary confidenceBy 08:00 AM he’s already said:“Discipline equals … Continue reading “Kevin Thinks The Office Is A Fitness Documentary”